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STEPS QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

7. My partner has an older son in his late teens who lives with his ex. I have noticed that he does not have much of a relationship with his Son even though he tries very hard to have one.

His son on the other hand only calls when he wants money for things. Other than that we don't hear from him. I feel as though he is using his dad/my partner. Is this possible?

I would not go as far as to say that he is using his dad. That might be the kind of relationship that they have had for a while. Your partner may have to try a different approach from what he has been doing before.

He may want to first try to find out why his son is not making any attempt to have a better relationship. Once he knows this he may be able to sort things out. If you have a relationship with your stepson then maybe you can try and intervene.

You may find out more than your partner can and help to sort out the relationship. The fact that the son calls only when he wants money can be seen that he has not totally cut off his dad so there is a chance to work on things.

8. My step-children behave as though I don't even exist. I have three step-children aged from 9-15. They do not live with me and my husband but they come over often.

When they are there I try to have conversations with them and get them involved in things but they just seem to ignore me for what reason I don't know. What should I do?

Have you expressed your concerns with your husband? If not then mention it to him and see what he says. This situation could have absolutely nothing to do with you. In some of these cases it has been known that because of the relationship between the man and his ex wife, she is now trying to make things difficult by telling the kids 'only interact with your dad and no one else' and things of this nature.

This is nothing to do with you, she may just be getting at her ex. On the other hand the children may just feel a bit threatened with the new relationship and this is how they choose to show it. I'd say give it a bit of time and you continue to keep the communication lines between you and them open so when they are ready, they know they can come to you.

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